No parent should experience the loss of a child.
But sadly, one of Alton’s friendliest faces knows how it feels, as Dean Paul-Phillips and his other half suffered losses on consecutive years.
It doesn’t bear thinking about the pain and anguish that the man associated with Wey Valley Radio, Alton Community Centre and classic car show must have endured with his other half following those awful unconnected losses in 2007 and 2008.
But something beautiful and magical has emerged from that dark place – something that offers a helping hand and comfortable arm around the shoulder to other parents who have experienced the same in the past, present and future.
Well-wishers will be seeing perpetual stars next Friday as Old Thorns will hold an Inaugural Baby Loss Charity Ball.
The event at the resort near Liphook is being held in support of Baby Loss Awareness Week with the fun including a three-course meal, live music, raffle and silent auction.
Some of the funding will go to the Forget Me Not Fund (FMNF) which provides incredible support via the North Hampshire Hospital Trust to parents who have experienced baby loss.
The charitable fund has been running for more than a decade and is administered by The Hampshire Hospital Charity. Indeed – and sadly – an all too high volume of parents in Alton are familiar with their work.
But some will also go to a new baby loss charity, PS (Perpetual Starlight), which will be officially launched on the night after years of planning.
Dean along with other bereaved parents and volunteers including his wife, want to broaden and expand the services offered by the FMNF in Basingstoke and North Hampshire nationally, with proposals including one-to-one sessions and support through every stage of baby loss, from miscarriage onwards.
Dean said: “I’ve worked with the baby loss community since our consecutive losses in 2007 and 2008, where we lost two baby boys for tragically separate reasons back to back.
“From that moment on I worked with the North Hampshire Hospital Trust and I’ve consistently been blown away by what they offered.
“For obvious reasons the baby loss support service is predominantly driven by women and there are very few men that engage with the service.
“But I would also say that in the last 16 years, the whole provision for the baby loss community has come on leaps and bounds.
“North Hampshire Hospitals offer an exemplary service, however it was recently a real eye opener to me to realise what they offer is not reflective of the national standard – what they’re offering is ahead of the national standard.
“But baby loss happens everywhere, and not everyone is privy to the same fantastic services.”
Dean is not new to raising funds for baby loss charities as the former Alton town mayor used his time in office to promote the work and raise money for the SANDS, another charity close to the hearts of both himself and his wife. Launching PS is a big step, but we’ve received plenty of support from people both locally and further afield.
He added: “With my unusual position, I had the opportunity to engage and strive to actually make a difference in something.
“PS is going to bring support networks and services that are offered by the North Hampshire Hospitals Trust in Basingstoke to the Alton area.
“There’s a two-prong strategy and as PS flourishes we want to start a clinical room offering one-to-one sessions with specialists.
“The second prong involves the standardisation of care. We’re working to create support packs for all the stages of baby loss from miscarriage onwards. That work is ongoing.
“Some of what we’ll be doing is more specialist but we’re excited about what we’ll be able to offer.”
The charity is in its early days and one of the biggest problems has been setting up a bank account – it’s not straightforward as many charity founders have experienced pitfalls and headaches.
But PS has become a reality and next Friday’s ball in Old Thorns will be tangible proof of the progress made. You’ve only got to look above the former M&Co store on Alton High Street for proof, as the poster for the October 25 event takes up the whole bay window.
Furthermore, it’s also received some notable backing with Wey Valley Radio and South Western Railways among the organisations supporting the inaugural event.
“The baby loss ball is the first of what we plan to be an annual ball in aid of PS and The Forget Me Not Foundation,” said Dean.
“It’s open to not just the baby loss community, but everyone and it’s predominantly for entertainment.
“We’ll have food and live music, plus a raffle, and I have to say some of the raffle prizes that have been offered are insane.
“There’s hampers and theatre tickets, for instance. There’s also a silent auction for a stay at a four-stay hotel and a theatre ticket for two. There’s also a massive great bag of beauty treatments and something like £350 of products.
“Another thing that’s been offered is tattoos, because lots of people honour their lost one with a tattoo.”
Dean added: “Along with giving people the opportunity to stay at Old Thorns, we’ll also be running a shuttle bus between the station and Old Thorns because we want as many people as people to come, enjoy themselves and have a good time.”
Tickets for the inaugural event, which will also include drinks on arrival, are £85 per person with tables of 12 available. Shoppers can either scan the QR code above the former entrance to M&Co or email [email protected] for details.
Although the ball is taking place after the conclusion of Baby Loss Awareness Week, which runs from October 9 to 15, the event is likely to remain long in the memory of everyone involved.
There are more plans for the future and one could be particularly poignant. One of the key parts of Baby Loss Awareness Week is the Wave of Light, a national initiative which happens at 7pm on the 15th and can range from the lighting of a candle in memory to illuminating a building.
“It can something simple like lighting a candle but in the past we’ve done things like lighting up the Spinnaker Tower and last year we did a chapel in Thatcham,” added Dean.
“This year it’s going to be at Basing House but next year I would love to bring it to Alton, so watch this space.”